Friday, December 2, 2011

The Greatest Battle of All Time: The Leaf Blower vs The Nap.

My biggest trouble with napping during the day  is that every time I try, an ever-present leaf blower begins to roar outside my window. I can never see this tenacious creature, but nevertheless it's there, blowing leaves while I'm trying to nap. Its hunting howl is the sort of sound which skips your ears and jumps right into your head; it bellows with an endless continuity, persisting through my agonizing attempts to cover my ears, stuff my pillow over my head, and ultimately, squeeze into my closet.

Then, after I've given up all hope of acquiring some mid-day rest, it stops.

The Leaf Blower doesn't seem to bother Goblin. She could sleep through an attack of angry meteors or mordant spiders. In fact, I am certain that my quite languorous cat has a mysterious shield which acts as a barricade around her sleeping body and allows no noise except that of impending danger. 

My parent's new cat, Spidercat, has different super powers. She can jump about five feet, and scale the vertical walls of a house in under three seconds. Her ears are so large that she keeps radar devices stored inside, so she not only knows when enemies are approaching, but she can consume massive amounts of dark matter as she eats said enemies.

I am hoping, with the way science is progressing, that one day I will be able to harness the powers of Goblin and Spidercat so that I can finally get my nap.

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