Monday, January 9, 2012

On Second Thought, the End of the World Might Actually Happen.

Swing dancing. It's one of my favourite things. It's also like being in an asteroid belt. Picture this:

A dimly lit room, music. Two hundred people dancing in pairs, spinning around each other, stepping on feet. Sweat, smile, rock-step. Repeat. Chaotic rhythm and a jumble of bodies, all moving in a similar way, trading partners, drinking water. Chaotic rhythm and a jumble of rocks, sweating, spinning, bumping into each other--

--rocks--people--basically the same thing.

Some people believe that the asteroid belt located between Mars and Jupiter is actually the remnant of a planet which collided with something--another planet, perhaps?--and broke into a million little pieces. Now they fly in an orbit, being chased by a glowing tail and losing bits along the way.

The belt could be a conglomeration of materials that never became a planet. It may even be our solar system's junk yard. Or perhaps it is our way of making the solar system look thin, as belts are often used for. I, however, feel that these rocks are probably the remains of Niribu, the planet which supposedly flew by us 3000 years ago and if it weren't destroyed before completing it's super-long orbit, would be due for a return in December. I imagine the Anunnaki built a spaceship to come visit us, accidentally initiated the nuclear battery startup before stabilization, and it exploded, taking the planet with it. That said, such a superior species should have known better than to use a nuclear power source. Or perhaps they got into a war over whether or not to stay on Earth, which ended in a hundred thousand little pieces. Or perhaps their orbit shifted just a fraction of an inch, and they hit a moon. Either way, now they are just a ring of asteroids flying 1,118,468 miles an hour in a never ending circle around the sun.

This does not mean that the Anunnaki are all dead. Perhaps there are habitable asteroids where tiny groups of Anunnaki are waiting for us to develop enough to rescue them--or they've been cryogenically frozen and need us to unfreeze them. Or maybe they think we exploded them (because we all know the ancient Sumerians had nuclear technology) and are forming a massive army of armed asteroids to attack us. At any rate, don't listen to NASA, the asteroids are definitely the planet Niribu--it does exist, it's just in a hundred thousand little pieces.

Next December, expect an emergency broadcast stating that 1,500 asteroids have suddenly veered off from their orbit and are heading towards Earth, with giant guns aimed right at us. I hope you have moved to Russia before this emergency broadcast, because by then it will be too late.

Asteroids: the perfect disguise for the end of the world.

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