Top Ten Reasons to Become an Astronaut

NASA just posted a blog titled "Top Ten Reasons to Become an Astronaut". Their top ten reasons are great. But here are my top ten reasons. They are better.

10. You get to eat freeze dried food.

9. You get to go to space.

8. You get to wear a really classy, sexy suit sometimes. You get to be a rocketman!

7. You get to go to space.

6. It's confirmation that you're an intelligent, valuable, and wanted member of society.

5. You get to go to space.

4. You get to ride in or drive the fastest vehicle in the known universe. A ROCKETSHIP.

3. You get to go to space.

2. You get to see the world, FROM SPACE.

And the number 1 reason: 

You get to GO TO FREAKING SPACE.

I realize there are dangers: exploding spaceships, loss of oxygen, aliens attacking your vessel, crazy mutant diseases that sneak into the water supply. But here's the thing: have you ever watched a scifi show? Or read a scifi book? Would any one of the characters in those shows say it wasn't worth all those dangers to go to space?

No. It's worth it. Let's go to space. Everybody.

For your convenience I have links to four different companies with space program job openings. If you're qualified, then by all means: APPLY. Speaking Russian is also a plus.

NASA Job Description 

Virgin Galactic Job Openings

SpaceX Positions

Blue Origin Hot Jobs

Joining the Military might also be an option. But talk to a recruiter. Be smart.

One day, I'll be carried away...

How to Lose Weight, Comet Style

Adrenaline junkie? My friend Chelsea went skydiving on her birthday. My uncles used to waterski barefoot. But check this out. A comet, named Lovejoy, took a mad free fall through the sun. As in, it's trajectory was aimed directly at the sun, and it hit the sun, and then came back out the other side. The scientists watching it expected complete vaporization, since the corona of the sun is approximately two million degrees Fahrenheit. Here, watch some videos of it. It looks a bit worse for the wear coming out the other side, don't you think? The comet lost 90% of its weight and it's tail, so this also seems to be a highly effective weight loss program. 

So instead of bungee jumping, how about trying that on your next birthday?

If you don't want to take a mad leap into the sun, how about starting your own space program instead? Billionaire Paul Allen has joined Richard Branson, Elon Musk, and Jeff Bezos in their quest to launch ships into space. Allen has a new idea, which is brilliant: imagine an aircraft carrier. You know, like the boat. Now imagine a spacecraft carrier--but instead of a boat, it's an airplane that launches rockets from the sky. With a wingspan longer than a football field, the airplane should help to cut back on launch costs and delays by launching the rockets wherever conditions are best, as well as giving us safer orbital access to space.

Before you know it they'll be launching rockets to the sun--so all you'll need to do is hitch a ride on one of those, and you can try comet Lovejoy's weight loss program.

Three reasons why comets are awesome:

1. They have plasma tails.

2. They are giant snowballs. With ice. And mud.

3. They are badass, and take mad dives into the sun.

Forget surfing, forget mountain climbing, forget skydiving and bungee jumping, forget theft, forget skateboarding and demolition and tractor pulling and extreme sports in general: just crash a spaceship through the sun's corona. Then you'll be awesome, and have a great body.