31 Days of Planets: Fitness

Day 24

Okay, so Planet Fitness isn't really a planet. But I do live relatively close to their national headquarters, so I figured it would be okay if I wrote about them. It was founded in 1992 for occasional or inexperienced gym members and is a "Judgement Free Zone." Which means that humans can't possibly work out there. Which means it must be gym for aliens!

Here's what I think happened: 

Planet Fitness, in a galaxy far, far away, was faced with a serious disaster. All fiber and nutrient producing plants were struck with a massive plague, and only the sugar and fat producing plants remained. In addition, gravity was slowly decreasing as the planet continually lost chunks of its mass to the knawing darkness of space (that was because a really irritable group kept blowing pieces of it up). The predominant species, the Judgementafreeze, began to desperately struggle for survival and health - unable to eat properly and unable to exercise properly. Slowly, they grew rounder and fatter, cursing their inability to find health. 

Then, one far-thinking group of Jugementalfreeze from the country of Workoutzone on Planet Fitness, had a brilliant idea. Stasis pods. If they could put themselves on a spaceship and launch it towards a compatible planet, they could live in stasis until arrival. At this new planet, they could then find good food and good exercise, and live happily for many generations.

Enter, Exeter, NH, USA, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy. In 1965 there was an unexplained UFO sighting. Flashing red lights, a flying vehicle, a young Navy private, and two police officers... It's called the Exeter Incident. Look it up. Well, you can guess what the real story is. It was the Judgementafreeze trying to find a place to land. They eventually did, carefully hid their spaceship, and began the process of integrating into human civilization. In 1992 they figured out that they could capitalize on capitalism and started the Planet Fitness franchise.

That's why, if some of the people working out next to you seem like aliens, they probably are.

In conclusion, watch out for aliens at Planet Fitness.

2012: The Year of Doing Things

I don't think I will make it to the Moon this year. In fact, I think it is highly unlikely that I will even get to space. There are a number of other things, however, that are completely within the realm of possibility. Since it is New Year's, I probably should be making resolutions, but I believe that if I can't make myself do something any other time during the year, why should I try now, especially when it's cold outside? So instead, I have come up with several things I would like to do at any point during this year:


Hang gliding. It's like flying, but since I don't have wings, I have to piggyback on something else that flies through the air, and I doubt a bird would very much appreciate a stowaway.


Breathing. I would like to keep breathing incessantly for the next 366 days. It might sound like a lot of effort, but I think I can keep up with it. I will give myself a little leeway--I can stop breathing, but not for more than two minutes.


Ride on a train. Trains are stupendous. I've always wanted to be a train engineer, and one day, once I've saved up enough money to go to train engineer school, maybe I will. For now, though, I will just have to satisfy myself with just riding on one. I'd like to ride on a train whose tracks traverse Mars or Titan, but I think that is just as unlikely to happen this year as reaching the Moon. So I will have to settle for Vermont.


As far as the end of the world: I doubt it. But I bet generator sales will increase in November. I hope you all have a good year, full of food and breathing, and absent of zombies and nearby exploding suns. Come visit NH, and good luck with your New Year's resolutions!