Random Blog on a Wednesday About Penguins

I don't usually write on Wednesdays. Not that it's never been done, but if you go back through my posts, you'll find it's a rare thing.

This morning, however, I thought was an ample time to discuss penguins, as it is currently 7 degrees outside my apartment right now and even with the heat on, I am cold. Also, there is no snow, which makes this cold all the more irritating.

I wonder if penguins can get cold. One moment--let me go find out.

I'm back. I hope you weren't worried. That took longer than expected. At any rate, penguins have a layer of fat below their skin that keeps them warm. They also have feathers which help when they're on land, blood circulation to help their feet, and methods such as standing on their tiptoes to avoid touching snow. Males watching the eggs huddle. So I guess the answer is that yes, penguins can get cold, but they don't very often.

My friend Leslie has a trash can shaped like a penguin. The difference between her trash can and a real penguin is that it doesn't steal babies. If a baby penguin dies, its mother steals someone else's baby. Perhaps we should attempt this child swap in human society--life would be a very different animal. Other things about penguin: they have no knees, they walk faster than humans, and the males take care of the children... insert gender joke here.

For your entertainment I have included a picture of a bagpiper and a penguin, and a video of a penguin going shopping.

Coming Soon: Nibiru and the End of the World

As the end of the world rapidly approaches, panicky rumors spread faster than a rabbit with a  stick of dynamite tied to its tail. My favourite is this: a mysterious, wandering planet with an orbit of 3,600 years, said to be inhabited by intelligent beings who procreated with the apes to create humans last time their planet passed by, will slip between Earth and the Sun, blocking the Sun's light, throwing off our orbit, shortening the length of our day, and causing a sudden pole shift--the end of the world.

Nibiru is the home of the Anunnaki, a race of extraterrestrials who first enslaved us, then tried to kill us, then decided to bring our civilization into maturity, and then left. If you are having trouble remembering this, it's because it happened during the Sumerian Empire. Many people are certain that this planet will return in 2012 and cause the end of everything. In fact, this is so disconcerting that some people can't sleep at night for fear of the future. One belief is that the newly discovered Eris is actually Nibiru:

"...however Eris does exist and I see they were going to call it Xena... planet X... Will Eris do a flyby since it is considered a planet and the 10th one?...Could this even be possible that we would be thrown off our axis? Are Pluto and others really slightly of their normal gravitational paths because of this planet that is supposedly coming toward us? Why do they say time is speeding up because of the magnetic pulse this planet is creating? Is this true that there are only really 16 hours a day now because time is moving faster? ...Why do the days seem so much shorter? I am scared about this whole 2012 thing. Eris seems to be in the position that everyone says Nibiru is and the same size. Maybe we are asking the wrong question. Maybe we should be asking about Eris and not Nibiru. Thank you for your time as I am scared to death!" (This is an excerpt from this fantastic article about Nibiru).

What is the evidence for this mysterious planet? It's this: the orbits of Neptune and Uranus supposedly wobble slightly, therefore there must be another planet, larger than Earth, that exerts gravitational pull. Also the Mayan Calendar is ending.

There seems to be a rather large number of people who think that this mysterious planet has been secretly observed and tracked by NASA for several years. And what would life be without conspiracies? David Morrison, a respected astrophysicist at NASA, was sent this message by a rather irate individual:

"So if you all are watching Eris and it’s trajectory, why can’t you tell us about how it’s going to come between the sun and the earth? Where is the info on your webpage of the true trajectory which will cause the perturbing of all our solar system heavenly bodies? If this is nothing to worry about, then why don’t you talk about its trajectory? Why don’t you have people partnering to watch it, track it and be actively talking about this huge new planet that is coming? Why are you so quiet about this new discovery? Your behavior is suspicious and your actions will be discovered soon so I would suggest a full disclosure."

I imagine them yelling this: "Why don't you talk about it's trajectory?" It cracks me up.

People are great. Without imagination we would all still be nomadic hunters. Not that there is anything wrong with nomadic hunting, but 7 billion nomadic hunters might be a few too many. I must say, however, that imaginary planets do not make me lose sleep. Leaf Blowers make me lose sleep. My cat makes me lose sleep. Caffeine makes me lose sleep. Right now, however, I am awake, and the only planet that makes me lose sleep is Jupiter, because it's never in the same place! (Ha! Space joke!)

So I don't recommend worrying about the end of the world, but I do recommend buying stock in companies that sell generators and dehydrated food. That way, next year, you'll be rich enough to buy your freedom when the Anunnaki enslave us. Again.

2012: The Year of Doing Things

I don't think I will make it to the Moon this year. In fact, I think it is highly unlikely that I will even get to space. There are a number of other things, however, that are completely within the realm of possibility. Since it is New Year's, I probably should be making resolutions, but I believe that if I can't make myself do something any other time during the year, why should I try now, especially when it's cold outside? So instead, I have come up with several things I would like to do at any point during this year:


Hang gliding. It's like flying, but since I don't have wings, I have to piggyback on something else that flies through the air, and I doubt a bird would very much appreciate a stowaway.


Breathing. I would like to keep breathing incessantly for the next 366 days. It might sound like a lot of effort, but I think I can keep up with it. I will give myself a little leeway--I can stop breathing, but not for more than two minutes.


Ride on a train. Trains are stupendous. I've always wanted to be a train engineer, and one day, once I've saved up enough money to go to train engineer school, maybe I will. For now, though, I will just have to satisfy myself with just riding on one. I'd like to ride on a train whose tracks traverse Mars or Titan, but I think that is just as unlikely to happen this year as reaching the Moon. So I will have to settle for Vermont.


As far as the end of the world: I doubt it. But I bet generator sales will increase in November. I hope you all have a good year, full of food and breathing, and absent of zombies and nearby exploding suns. Come visit NH, and good luck with your New Year's resolutions!